A hurried, consonant-heavy language with no time for vowels, the newborn Czech Republic prudently decided to adopt its namesake language in 1993. Pronounced “Czech me out” by clever tourists who somehow have never been tapped as poet laureate, Czech is the native tongue of some 13 million people worldwide. With an Omega-level mutant ability to form entirely vowel-less sentences like “plch pln skvrn prch skrz drn prv zhlt čtvrt hrst zrn” (“a doormouse full of stains escaped through grass after first eating a quarter-handful of grain”), it’s surprising that the language hasn’t just given up on phonemes all together. Here are the seven phrases and words that will help me to survive and reproduce in the Czech Republic, the ninth country on my trip around the world.
1. Hello/Hi. “Dobrý den/Ahoj.” [DOH-bree dehn/ah-HOY]
This “hello” can be used when entering stores or approaching people on the streets.
2. Yes/No. “Ano/Ne.” [AH-no/neh]
A bi-syllabled “yes.”
3. Do you speak English? “Mluvíte anglicky?” [MLOO-vee-te AHN-glee-skay?]
Don’t expect the locals to shoulder the entire burden.
4. Where is…? “Kde je…?” [kday yah…?]
Very useful in Prague, full as it is with fairytale winding cobblestone roads.
5. How much? “Kolik to stojí?” [ko-lick toh sto-yi?]
Cheap. It’s cheap; no need to ask.
6. Delicious! “Lahodný!” [lah-hod-nee]
Czech food is emphasizes meaty meals, with pork the most likely meat on your plate.
7. Thank you. “Děkuji.” [dyeh-ku-yi]
You’ve just been helped and/or fed. Congratulate your partner on becoming a bit more internationalized. If you are carrying prize ribbons or certificates of achievement, give one to your new friend.
Notable customs:
- Per capita, Czech people consume more beer than anyone else in the world, outclassing such luminaries as the Irish, the Germans, and John Belushi.
- Czech and Slovak are mutually intelligible, to a similar extent that Spanish and Portuguese speakers can understand each other’s language.
- Franz Kafka lived and wrote in Prague, but his stories aren’t exactly a reflection on the rest of the Czech literary tradition.
But if you wake up one morning and find yourself transformed into a giant insect, you might as well just run with it.
Honorable mentions:
I don’t understand. “Nerozumín.” [neh-ro-zou-meen]
Fetch! (inf., to a dog) “Aport!” [AH-port!]
Good dog! (inf., to a dog) “Hodnej!” [HOHD-nay!]
Joshing Around 
